People I Hate That I Don’t Even Know
by Dorry Parton
If you’re like me, your day is full of various people who more or less piss you off en masse – almost as if their sole purpose in life was to be a cog of dissonance in the life of Panama Jackson. And that’s just not right, but they continue to piss me off thru circumstance, happenstance, or buffalo stance (no Neneh Cherry). And who are these people, you ask? Glory day, I shall tell you.
1. Bicyclists in cities
Seriously, biker dude, I motherf*cking hate you. Do you know why I hate you? No? I’ll tell you. Because you hold up traffic and do not follow traffic signals. You speed through four-way stops on the right side of vehicles who have come to a complete stop and have their right-turn signals blinking yet you come speeding out of NOWHERE and get mad when your f*ck a** almost gets hit. THEN you have the nerve to get pissy with me because you almost committed vehicular suicide by attempting to lay down violently on the hood of my a car. Get your b*tch a** a bell or something.
In case it’s not clear (or if this is you), I hate you. I feel bad when you get run over and killed, I really do. However, sometimes, that sh*t is your fault. Stop making yourself dead.
2. People on subways who hog the poles (boomerang).
You ever catch the subway and you have those individuals who literally HUG the pole that’s intended to help individuals who are forced to stand because there isn’t any seating left? What kind of douche does this during rush hour? But there they go, just standing and swinging like an opening act at Magic City. Honeslty, I question the hometraining of people who do this. Because only inconsiderate bastards singlehandedly inconvenience 20 other people who need a brace in order to remain standing while a train is moving. I want you to bite rocks and trees and then discover that braces no longer exist. I hate you.
3. People who block traffic to hold a conversation with people who are parked or standing on the sidewalk
You inconsiderate piece of sh*t. Why do you think this okay? If the road is narrow and you know there is no way for me to get around you, then well, I feel sorry for your mother. May acid rain and tiny pellets of squirrel repellant do damage to your vehicle and all it stands for.
4. People who find a reason to be mad about stuff just because they’re the kind of people who find reasons to be mad
Twitter is running RAMPANT with these dbags. Which sucks because they often tend to be the most vocal community of individuals. You write a post about something, they find a reason to let you know know – ya know, without ever coming to you with it – how wrong and ridiculous your premise is, etc. I’d call them unstable creatures, but then it’s almost like I’m downplaying Omar Gooding’s contributions to pop-culture and I’d never want to do him like that. Just know that if you are an overly-critical, holier than thou hack, that Panama Jackson hates you.
From the heart.
5. People who refuse t put Jay-Z in a top five rapper of all time list in favor of somebody like, Big L or Q-Tip
Had this convo. Hated it. Hate them. We no longer speak because I can’t trust them to be able to see past their own hangups to do whats in the best interest of mankind.
6. People who won’t let me be great
Cheekie, I’m looking at you.
7. People who hate love
Cheekie, I’m looking at you.
That’s just a mere smattering of people I hate that I don’t even know. But the list is potentially endless. On this great day that Panama Jackson was born, purge from your spirit. Let us rejoice in the presence of putting folks on blast who need to be blasted.
Who do you hate that you don’t even know?
Share with me.
Share with you.
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